Movie review: Atlantis: The Lost Empire, by Disney

Webmaster’s note 1/17/2016: This is an old review from the previous version of the site, which we’re bringing in as a post so that it’ll be searchable in the reviews categories with newer content.

Disney’s Atlantis

reviewed by Carl Parlagreco

Short review: It sucks.

Long review: It’s weak, it’s poorly animated, the characters have no depth, and it holds no entertainment value for anybody that is even approaching puberty.

The animation is in a style that I have never seen before, and I hope to never see again.

The princess went from about apparent physical age 5 to about apparent physical age 21 in about 8000 years, and yet she was still arguing with her father like she was a child. She’s apparently been spending the last few centuries playing in the water and doing her nails. Not that being an airhead is such a bad thing for her. Apparently, the people that made it into the dome with her weren’t the society’s rocket scientists. (See the technology rant, below).

This advanced technological society never invented clappers for their bells.

Oh, yes, the really big one. They forgot how to use their technology. What the fuck was that all about? I mean, we’re not talking the knowledge was lost through the passing of generations. THESE WERE THE SAME PEOPLE! I’m sorry, but I’m pretty sure that if I were stuck on an island somewhere for eight thousand years, I’d retain the basics of how to drive a car. I might be awfully rusty after all of that time, but I’m not going to lose it as much as these people did. And what did they do with themselves in all that time? Okay, maybe they couldn’t dig out right away. But hell, at the end of the movie, they sure sent their topsider heroes home in grand style. If my home gets buried, I’m going to want to dig out in a little bit less than EIGHT THOUSAND YEARS!

Do I have anything positive to say about it? Yes. I thought that the casting was wonderful. James Garner, Claudia Christian, and ‘Father Guido Sarducci’. Oh, did anybody notice that the demolition guy’s name was Santorini? I found that amusing. I liked the tie-in with the historical location.